Dave Friedman's Soul of Wit

Apprentice Blog Update: Napoleon Need not Apply

Note to readers: this post continues my series of blog posts about NBCs show The Apprentice.

The Napoleon Complex, while probably not an official psychiatric diagnosis, popularly refers to the phenomenon of short men accounting for their short stature by being obnoxious, puerile jerks. This dynamic is especially true when the obnoxious short person encounters a woman taller than he.

Thus, we have the annoying little runt of a fire plug otherwise known as Brian. Short, overweight, with a severe military haricut and a mouth dirtier than a latrine, Brian, the project manager for the Net Worth team in the most recent episode of The Apprentice, exhibits an almost Pavlovian training when confronted by people who do not accept his authority without question. As soon as someone questions the guy, he erupts in a fusillade of invective, accusation, and swears. And he does not limit his elegant speech to the derelict Jersey shore, either: he reserves some of his most vitriolic speech for the boardroom.

In short (no pun intended) this guy, even more so than Danny, is so far removed from the probity and seriousness of purpose that Trump looks for as to be laughable. Unfortunately, this man-boy has never learned to laugh at himself; it is we who laugh at him. To quote the braying, sycophantic Carolyn Kepcher: it's an easy decision to fire him.

Clothes Make the Man, or, Observations on The Apprentice

I'm not sure what this says about me, but I find The Apprentice to be an interesting sociological phenomenon. Therefore, I am starting a feature on this blog in which I will put up a blog post in reaction to the most recent Apprentice episode. I will continue to blog about other subjects, so loyal readers can feel free to ignore these discourses into popular culture, should they feel the need to do so. You can search for all my Apprentice blog posts merely by selecting the Apprentice category on the left-hand side of this blog.

I've been fascinated with The Donald ever since I was a kid and realized that (1) I am a capitalist at heart and (2) I like money.

So, on to business.

Donald Trump is a conservative man, but he probably would not describe himself in such terms. By "conservative" I am not talking about political affiliation or moral belief; so far as I can tell, Trump is as politically liberal as the rest of elite Manhattan. By "conservative" I refer to his comportment and his manner of dress: he dresses as a "businessman" should. Not as a "visionary" or "entreprenneur" or "creative person" should, but, conservatively: you rarely see the man out of a business suit, replete with luxurious silk tie. There are many reasons for his manner of dress, the most important of which is he believes that the austere severity of his dress confers upon him the respect and authority with which he wishes to be treated.

You can either agree or disagree that clothes make the man. Trump very clearly believes that a businessman should dress well, and conservatively. Flashiness has little place in Trump's closet, unless flashiness is a Hermes tie.

Trump craves people who produce results for him, and to his mind, that requires that people demonstrate a certain seriousness. It is no accident that the previous two winners of The Apprentice, Bill Rancic and Kelly Perdew, are clean-cut, well-built, and look good in finely tailored suits. They are businessmen, as that word is understood by Trump. Elegant. Understated. Reserved. Their clothes and their manner of dress reek of control and analysis, not flashy, wanton, creative, behavior. They embody probity and seriousness of purpose. They are perfect acolytes of Trump.

I won't contemplate what that says about Rancic and Perdew, except that they represent ideals close to that of Trump's. It is curious, then, to consider the new version's loose cannon, Danny Kastner, a resolutely creative type who is as far from Trump's comportment as Ron Jeremy's is from John Ashcroft's. Kastner is the Chairman & CEO of a marketing company called POPstick, the purpose of which company eludes me, but then I've never understood marketing people.

POPstick bills itself as:

POPstick, Inc. builds new media solutions for contemporary marketing and communications challenges. The company's proprietary approach to customer relationship management, called the Matchstick™ methodology, helps marketers accelerate through three phases of customer dialogue, ultimately achieving marketing nirvana by creating a vast online community of customers and brand advocates.

I don't really know what any of that means, but as I say, I've never understood marketing people and hope never to do so. But it is plainly evident that Kastner's business background, combined with the way he presents himself is so far out of the realm of what Trump values in his employees that I would sooner expect to see Ashcroft star in the next Ron Jeremy production than I would expect to see Kastner walking his leisure-suit clad self through the halls of the Trump Organization.

"What was he thinking?" is an apt response to seeing this poor, misguided soul believe that Trump would give him a shot.

UPDATE: I found this blog, which may be affiliated with The Apprentice. Danny relates the "lessons" he learned from watching previous seasons of The Apprentice:

What have you learned from watching previous seasons of The Apprentice?
That Donald Trump wants people who are:
# Decisive
# Prepared
# Willing and able to defend themselves and their actions
# Willing to fail
# Demonstrate leadership by example
# Speak their mind (even if it takes you to the ledge)
# Supportive of other leaders once a decision is made
You must be smart enough to go with the flow and realize that Donald Trump will change his mind in what he values most each day - or boardroom for that matter!

Why should you be the next Apprentice?
Donald Trump is not looking for clones. He's an old school business pro that runs a tight ship, making a ton of dough. But the Trump brand can scale to make more cash. Sure, Donald Trump is a marketing genius. But as a classic guy, he needs a "New Mouse Trap" and I'm an innovative marketing visionary on the leading edge of the next big thing. Donald Trump's brand and my leadership in new technologies and marketing will become a force to build a bigger brand with a worldwide social network of Donald Trump fans. This will be the Trumpster of the Future. (Did that just sound like an infomercial?)